Gosh I’ve been meaning to write to you guys but as always you know how life can get a hold of me. It has not been the easiest week.
First, I have just started a new job about a week and a half ago. Of course when I started I believed that I would get some training in and some generally understanding of how the office is ran and the goals of our business. But due to the holidays in such I was only able to claim about a day of training in and was then left alone to run it due to all the bosses and manager going away for vacation. To needless to say I was in allot of states of confusion and unawareness of everything that was going on. I thought I did the best to my ability but when everyone came back last week they were not happy. There was even a meeting on how the office should run more smoothly.
From all this I felt incredibly incompatent especially being the new girl. My manager was a sweetheart and has been very patient with me and getting the hang of all this. My other boss also understood and gave me some slack but one of them left a bad taste in mouth so now I feel on my gaurd. But other than that for work I feel I have gotten the hang. But of course being the new person isn’t easy.
And when you find out that the top choice of your graduate school programs denies you, effeminately didn’t help my situation on feeling more adequate. The main reason was the competitiveness and my gpa. When I recieved the email I couldnt help but feel stupid and unwanted. I never have been rejected in anything that i did in my life. So to experience this now was somewhat of a shock. In my mind I’m Venus Hercules I don’t get rejected from anything! Of course when I looked for support I was overwhelmed by it but what really put things in perspective was what Michael dealt with this week.
MIchael, was having a very rough week himself in regards to pain and treatment options. His rhumatologist says that his condition hasn’t worsen but it has definitely not gotten better. So they are looking into trying to get him to a special facility. But as many of you may know that is not the easy. Also due to his treatment Michael hair finally started to fall out. But what gave such hope and strength was the way he handled the situation. Instead of getting all upset and defeated he pick himself up and went to get it shaved off. When he sent me his picture on how he looked. It honestly brought tears to my eyes. Not because he looked bad or he was in pain but because as I start feeling bad for myself here I remember that there are more things important in life.
Health is something not to take for granted for. And I still have mine. I still have the ability to go and see other perspectives. To see I can push my limits. Michael pushes his limits everyday and health is not the greatest. But he fights. and I will too! I will not let any rejection get me down. I am meant to do something great and all these hurdles and struggles are just tests to make me the best I can be in order to help others in the future. I know everything happens for a reason. I will just continue to push forward and pull the strength from those around and within myself.
For now I will keep myself occupied preparing this engagement party 😉
Thanks for reading my rant! Hope you guys have a happy and healthy day!!