Drifting To and Fro


Sometimes my mind drifts into these rifts of depression and mental decay

however I always manage a way out somehow sometimes to my own dismay

I shout I’m dying and all I hear is an echo with all my doctors around

that doesn’t build my confidence it brings it down to the ground

but perhaps that’s reality that I may only have 12 years to be

I thought $250 per visit would be enough to get me a proper Dr at least

the rheumatologist I see now is touted as the best for Churg-Strauss

yet you nor your Dr’s can reach him in times of need

it seems he’s always out or his secretary won’t allow you to proceed

Dr or patient his assistant is rude to both alike she doesn’t discriminate she just hates her life

Oh and what fun it is to be losing your ability to breath and nobody can reach your specialist so you’re forced to see some in-house

specialist that has no history at all with your disease

who can possibly kill you with the wrong treatment plan and whose never heard of Churg-Strauss before these are the people I can’t

ignore, the doctors who question my frequent hospital trips, what would you do if you were terminally ill, in sever pain, and barely

breathing sit at home and eat some potato chips?

Alas I sit here awaiting sunrise so I can prepare for IVIG in which other people’s antibodies enter my blood stream It makes me so weak

I want to scream but I won’t give up the use of my limbs to this Neuropathy so easily. I’m a fighter not a wimp I’m giving treatment my

best shot but things feel dismal when the best doctor for your disease is referring you to the National INstitute of Health’s Difficult

Vasculitis unit for an investigation of my records to seek out the catalyst for this mess and make it all better. It’s not that I’ve lost my

confidence I just no longer want to hear that anyone’s the best of the best cause I’ve met this crowd they’re very knowledgeable but

when they can’t help you they just pass you along to a slew of other specialist costing thousands of dollars. It saddens me at times to

think that if I weren’t so selfish my family could live well, with all these medical bills weighing them down retirement is out of sight and I

don’t get disability because I never worked enough to qualify. So what would I do without my family dye on a street corner in the city

sad and lonely it seems thats the case under Obamacare without private insurance I’d be dead a  million times over I couldn’t even

afford the occipital stimulator trial for those 6 days that would’ve never happened, where’s the medical attention for those without the

means, it doesn’t exist sadly due to greed.

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