How can you explain how you feel to the rest of the world when you slowly start to have more signs from the universe that some rough times are to come. When you don’t know where your heart and head will be in the same place.
Michael has not been doing the greatest lately as he battle this horrible disease churg strauss.
He has been very out of it lately with weakness, fatigue, and horrible pain that his body has been producing.
He just finished 2 rounds of IVIG treatment the other day and everytime I come over he is up for a bit but usually falls asleep due to the pain and weakness after the treatment.
I can’t help but wonder when will the new bright day will come. WHY as we try to bring one moment of happiness a huge dark cloud looms over to threaten the possibility of us having it as a sign of hope and love.
At this point I DON’T CARE if we even have a party I just want him to be better. I want him to get the help he needs. I want him to be able to at least have something that will make give him some relief.
As he tries to keep himself going it breaks my heart that I feel there is nothing I can do or say to make it even a little bit better. We try to spread awareness, let people know both far and wide, we are even donating some money to charity.
I know life isnt always as you imagine it to me. I know that there can be one turn after another to even a whole detour at some points. I just have to cling to hope and stand by his side as he troops on. It just gets hard for me as a caregiver, fiance, daughter, sister, friend to split myself properly with time management, being supportive, but also doing what I want to do for myself.
This is my moment of stress and aggravation as i try to stay positive but feel everything trying to bring me down. I will do what needs to be done to spread the awareness, be by Michael’s side, and still pursue my own goals and aspirations. I just need to make my own way and not rely on chances. Make my own destiny.
I will continue to ride this life and own this rollercoaster one way or another I just will be doing on my own accord. For QUE SERA SERA. What will be will be for that is the way of life. and I plan for my love to be with me MFF<3