I haven’t been on here lately and that is entirely my fault. I haven’t had the nerve or the motivation to write and vent. These past two weeks have been really tough of my body mentally and for once physically. Nothing compared to Michael but man did my body want to tell me to control myself and get checked. Sometimes our bodies need that though. A break that causes us to realize what we need to do to slow down and take care ourselves and not just our loved ones. Something that I am now juggling with in order to have my life in check.
A week before our engagement party that Michael and I had been planning. Michael had started to get worse. I could see that he was having breathing problems and physically was extremely weak. He was begging Togo to the hospital and finally we had no choice but to take him. 5 days before the party. In my mind I was heartbroken. All we wanted was one day one day where none of this could take advantage. But of course that is not what fate has planned. There is a saying that I heard this week that I thought was fitting “man plans and god laughs” but of course there is always more than the eye can see.
AS he was in the hospital my family, who rallied around me, insisted that I need to take it easy and cancel the party. After some negotiating I ended up telling all my guests that the party was postponed. But two days before the party Michael had turned to me at the hospital and asked “can we please have this party still”
Here was laying in his hospital bed and honestly asking me if he could have a party to see his friends and family. How could I say no? I knew he couldn’t handle the 100 or so ppl we were expecting so I did some quick thinking along with his lovely mother Alicia and decided to relocate the party to his house in the comfort in our own home.
Thankfully he was out before Saturday, the weather was lovely, his suit fit him amazing, and our closest family and few friends attended in this last minute cancellation/reinstatement of this party. I just have to say that through all this my body had survived as long as my mind. It was such a lovely event that I couldn’t have asked for more.
The day after however my body and nerves were shot. I was throwing up, anxiety filled, and dizzy as could be. I realized then that my body held out the best it could until the major events were over. Michael was home, the party was over, and yet my body and mind said to me Venus you need to breathe and relax and take a minute to yourself. I was bed ridden and upset for two full days that I had to go to the doctor to get checked. Luckily I have an awesome primary care doctor who knows me well enough to know how to help.
I wouldn’t change the events of the party but man did I wish I listen to my body more. We as caregivers must listen because even though we somehow make the impossible possible if we don’t take care ourselves how can we care for our loved ones? I’m just grateful to have everything done and to show off the love of my life through the good and the bad.. Because that’s what life is about is to believe in love and hope and to make a difference in anyway you can. This party truly did make a difference and allowed me to have a day with my love and to show there is always a reason to be happy! Plus we raised some money for migraine and vasculitis research which is one step for our cause!