A Hellish Wakeup Call


Today I woke up to something horrible, something dreadful, the worst pain one can experience as a wakeup call on Earth. I woke up to a cluster headache ladies and gentlemen and this was no 5 or 6 this was and Justin Markos would verify by the amount of time it took to dissipate a legendary woefully painful 10/10 which immediately brought the migraine I always wake up with to a 10/10 as well blinding me temporarily and scaring me because my body wouldn’t work or move in the ways I wanted. I was sort of stuck in a permanent cramp or seizure from the shock of waking up in that kind of pain. I really don’t know how I could sleep through a cluster ramping up to a 10 so it must’ve hit me like that and very suddenly to say the least! I was shocked completely taken by surprise because I’d never ever woken up WITH a Cluster Headache before that’s why all my o2 is downstairs now I’m thinking we may need a 2nd H-tank for upstairs and soon a chairlift for my slowly deteriorating body to get up and down the stairs. This morning’s attack was a horror so let me tell you the whole story.

I wanted to cry as my fiance slowly coaxed me off the bed to brave the stairs I’m so afraid of after several bad falls, one of which where I went down the entire flight of stairs, so I’m not too fond of going down them blind even with my fiance holding me. Anyway we finally made it downstairs and into my wheelchair and Venus quickly whisked me away to our den area in the back of our home where all my o2 is located and turned on my constant o2 stream as well as putting on my 100% rebreather mask for me and turning on what I call “big boy” or the large green H-tank we have for clusters. It took just about 20  minutes maybe slightly longer to abort this cluster or so I thought. The migraine was still poking at my brain as I edited my poem on Cluster Headache this morning and quickly after adding the appropriate meta and hash tags released it to the virtual world. I felt quite accomplished as this is the first peom I’d ever typed during a severe cluster normally I just can’t do it but this time I typed blind regardless of any typos. I figured hey if I can type during the WORST migraines I can do this I can conquer Cluster Headaches with my words as well. It wasn’t quite as true as it gave me no relief but getting it done did make me feel great AFTER this first Cluster attack had been almost aborted and I came back to the real world from the hellish gates of pain land.

Shortly after I felt that sensation again something wasn’t right I felt a tear and then a drip from my nose and then it hit me WHACK pain up the wazoo. The monster hit me again for another ride into the hellish pain that is cluster headache. I am barely managing to type this article whilst fighting it off as my fiance sleeps right next to me and my faithful dog Loca guards the door to the room. She’s a funny little animal almost saying with her face “My boy is sick and nobody is crossing this line until he’s ok again grrrrr” I absolutely love my little fuzz ball although she’d quite heavy at 40lbs at least to me and she bears a fearsome set of teeth with strong jaws from daily bone chewing. It has been roughly 12 minutes now and the cluster is just beginning to break I just hope I have the energy to go to the mall later with my fiance as loving as she is she still forgets how much fighting off such pain takes out of anyone.

In conclusion I’d like to say cluster headaches are a real pain and I’d never wish waking up to that upon anyone not even my worst enemy. Why you ask? Well it’s the worst neurological pain a man or woman can suffer through why would I wish that upon anyone when I’m fighting for a cure? And I am hopefully on the 30th we can get some airtime when we go to the Today Show in NYC and stand outside, well I’ll be in my wheelchair but you get the point! I just hope to give shoutouts to those in chronic pain and to everyone with chronic illness especially migraine and chronic migraine as well as cluster headaches. I definitely want to get that out on air even if it’s a simple shoutout or something. So I’ll be making signs with our message and everything my mother will be with me dressed in migraine apparel too! So definitely try to watch the Today Show on the 30th you just might catch a glimpse of me fighting for our cause.

8 thoughts on “A Hellish Wakeup Call

  1. This is quite the story. I have a sensitivity ever since I started experiencing chronic pain where I almost feel physical pain anytime I hear or read about someone in pain of any kind. I experienced this as I read this post. I can barely imagine the amount of pain you have on a daily basis, but it’s amazing that you were able to get out your feelings through your words and poetry, in the middle of such an attack.

      • I am just now reading your fiancé’s posts. Of course your pain is terrible, but you are very lucky to have such a supportive, loving person like her. I am sure you know that. Not everybody is so lucky.

        • It isn’t easy dating with chronic illness or disability. I struggle to find someone who can like me for me, blindness and chronic pain included. That is part of me. I wish you both all the love in the world.

    • We met at college she was at the corner of the ladies hallway and I was at the corner room across from her in the mens hallway in the building. I was in a lot of Political Science classes and often studied with her roommate this is how we met.

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