Dissatisfied

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Even my mother says we never planned to live this way. Who would want to live this way I don’t think anyone would appreciate these conditions. I just vomited three separate times today, earlier fell headfirst into the upstairs bathroom, and managed to be in a terribly depressed condition which I’m sure makes it extra hard to live with me.

My mom is so damn worried about me she’s currently curled up in a recliner I’m sure she’s uncomfortable but won’t sleep in her room due to my condition. I wish she would go rest comfortably but she says she can’t when I’m this sick. It’s nice to know I’m loved but our caregivers need to take care of themselves. I also feel terrible about dinner- at first I tried to eat what she had made and though I was fine then it all began I vomited that whole meal up. So my mom asked what fast food I might like and went out for that. I’d asked for pizza hut and when it got here I knew my stomach was screaming nooooo don’t eat it but I was absolutely starving! So you probably can tell what happened after that probably half an hours worth of vomiting. then my mom went to bed, her own bed at this point she was a bit frustrated and sad I ws in so much pain but felt i’d be alright on my own.

False all of a sudden she hears my walker/rollator doing to the sink and out comes 15 minutes more worth of vomit. Not to mention another trip to the bathroom where I vomited whilst going to the bathroom. Not a scene you wanted to know about I know but to put you in my shoes as a writer I have to include every mind bending detail. At this point I am laying in a dark room with tons of ice/gel packs on, typing this article because of yesterday terrible web performance. I don’t know why I care so much about my #’s without any SEO is silly, but I suppose it is part of my depression. That’s one of the primary reasons why it’s so hard to live with certain people. And I’m sure it’s now true about me unfortunately.

I don’t want to be this miserable and depressed all the time but it’s really difficult when you can’t do anything on your own and live at a constant pain level of 9/10. I will say our location doesn’t help we’re stuck with homes on all sides within a few feet of us, loud children, constantly changing weather etc. Essentially we pay ov 13k a year in taxes to live in an area with good schools when nobody in the home is going to school any longer. We should be preparing our house for sale start boxing up and moving the nice stuff to a storage container and finishing the basements, repainting the home, and deciding whether we want to rent or sell. I’d rather live in a city with some culture to it where neighbors are friendly but maybe a ¼ mile away. I want a place I can enjoy where the property tax isn’t criminal in terms of rate.

One thought on “Dissatisfied

  1. I can relate. I spent last week 9/10 praying to the porcelain god, my disabled husband with barely anything in the house he could prepare for himself to eat and then my back went out. The depression can be overwhelming. I hope you get a break in your storm and have a chance to eat so your body can get some nourishment it so desperately needs. I’ll be thinking of you.

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