Courses

Most days I’m strong
I smile and grin
And I go on
Being polite
Helpful
Supportive
Stubborn
So it seems
Trying my best
To play the perfect roles of :
Fiancé
Daughter
Sister
Tia
Friend
Caregiver
To my loved ones who know me so

My facade is impeccable
You would never think
How susceptible someone like me
To the negative thoughts
That creep into my mind
For sometimes I forget
What it means to be just me
And the anxiety seeps through

The early mornings.. Oh
The early mornings
Are by far the worst part
To get up and to think
Just when my conscious
Wants to let go
And let the unconscious
Take control…

I awake to the thud first
The bump on the left side of my chest
“Hey Venus don’t think it’s over just yet” and the cycle starts all over again.
The crying
The panic
The helpless feeling
I eventually break free
But the fight is not as simply as it seems
Just because I’m suppose to play my roles doesn’t mean I can’t be me while I’m doing so

The ties that bind I wouldn’t trade
But the binding sometimes can get a little to strong… I have to try and find … The inner piece that is reached right before the thud that invokes in my veins so early in the morning for my day to day. The course I set for myself I must find it and follow

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