The sound of my heart
You make me feel good
And today has been no exception
As I lay at this pool with my fiancé by my side it’s a rare
Moment for me these days as most he doesn’t feel well
And recently work has been rough on me. So I have found myself
Lately just in terrible battles of anxiety and sadness. Never finding time to enjoy the summer
When he texted me Thursday night asking if I wanted to go to LBI to visit his grandparents I was hesitant as he has definately not been his best lately even being short and mercurial with me. But what else was I gonna do and I knew I wanted to spend time with him. LBI has always held a special place in my heart as it was one of the first places we went together on vacation. So I agreed
The ride was smooth for me but of course not the best for Michael with the stopping and bumps. When we arrived he had terrible pain and anxiety as he been working on some business plans and the ride had gave time to think about what he was doing. One thing I have learned about Michael is he never see the best in himself, so of course he was believing his ideas were silly and that coupled with pain can be horrible.
I gave him time to relax and quipped if we should go in the hot tub. When we agreed we went out and enjoyed the jets and swirls and just talked and talked about life. In those moments it’s when I have solace be a use I am to get into his thoughts and head without the migraines,Churg Strauss, or neuropathy in the way. Though at the end of the night he had another health scare to work through we were fighting to enjoy our days.
In the morning we awoke and decided we wanted to go on grandpa’s boat for a ride. It was alittle early due to low tide so we decided to go upstairs to their sunroom and just read and relax. With my cup of coffee we did just that and I enjoyed the time to myself getting into my own head for once. It’s crazy inside my mind sometimes I always have to take a moment and ask myself am I ok. That’s what I’ve learned is my problem. I run on autopilot and forget to check myself.
When it was time we went down to grandpas yacht club and went on a ride with grandpa on his boat and man was it something we needed. Though the ride made him nauseous towards the end, we were able to be out on the water enjoy the fresh air, and be out in the sun with fellow boaters smiling and waving at us.
I lay now at this pool taking in my day and enjoying every moment I can. Michael is by my side and I just need that for now. For in life nothing is guarantee. I’ve learned this well with my past and now my present. I have also learned that you have to leave it be. And live in the here and now