Too much has been going on lately for me. I have miss expressing myself to those who listen and for those who understand what it like to live a life when a very close loved one is suffering from pain next to you. It’s hard to separate the different areas in your life and processing what has been occurring and having it all come back together . For me I tend to go to autopilot mode as I call it and just go through my days without truly realizing what it means and what is going on. Which can be bad for those who are caregivers to others. How can you help someone without helping yourself?
The first problem I have been dealing with my rejection to graduate programs so I must reapply for spring and fall sessions again. So of course will come the countless questions of what happen which is quite embarrassing. I understand that it is a quite a competitive field that I am entering and with that comes rejection but for me this is the first rounds of rejection so of course I have to learn to cope with it and rearrange my plans. But it gets hard with the other million things that are going around.
The next thing that has been weighing on my mind has been Michael and yet another health concern that Again doesn’t make sense! He has been having pain in his lower abdomen and blood in his urine. At first we believed it was infection or kidney stone but of course it got worse and a ct scan was performed. They noticed a mass in his bladder and are now concerned to see what it is. Besides the discomfort that this brings I think the more annoying fact is that there seems to be no end. Now, what more must this man go through in his young life. To have to hear the love of your life say “sometimes I wish humans could be treated like dogs and be put to sleep and feel no pain” is something that resonates within your heart and soul and you would do anything to make the pain go away.
But I have come to notice with life that the true test now will be how exactly I handle all this. Will I run and hide? Will I break down again as before because I don’t take care of it face to face? Or just ride it out, take it in stride, and hold on tight to my loved ones. Thanks for listening to the rant
“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.” -maya Angelo