I feel like a total an utter failure today I won’t lie. Honestly I feel like I should be arrested for laying idly by and letting all of this happen. I mean when I became so sick I no longer could contribute to my family any longer. I can’t help physically, monetarily, or keep anything in order. It hurts to high heaven that I am useless in this house I just wish I could up an disappear like a mouse. As you can see I’m hiding behind rhymes because in these hard times revealing one’s true emotions is a grind.
Let me speak face to face with you and let you know what I’ve been going through and how tragic it’s been to my memory. Lately I’ve been having problems keeping sane because I can’t use my body and brain like everyone else can and this makes me feel insane so all I want to do is rip off the window panes. I’m not strong enough to work at all I consider myself a Neanderthal because I am not earning anything at all, all I do is seem to cost money for my medications, my oxygen, and doctors that look at me funny. I just wish this was all a cruel dream, that I could go back to 16, and re-do this whole thing. I should’ve earned some money for my family but no I was greedy I kept every last cent for me. I didn’t even donate and when my grandmother suggested it I just shook my head like a moron luckily she made me do it and I can say I donated to St Jude’s now. That isn’t enough though I was a terrible person before now I believe I should have acid poured on me and my eyes gouged out.
What have I done that nobody else could do, I am worthless on this place they call Earth. I am having a crisis of identity and mine just isn’t worth a cent, instead people would rather ignore that shit. Who knows when I’ll be normal again it could be now, 2016, 3010, I have no idea when this agony will end but it has to eventually right my friend? And now I have a home care nurse and a home physical therapist, when will they stop all these requirements? All this is going to do is cost me money and make my family hate me, inside I’m so ugly. I just wish that somebody would love me despite the fact that they can’t get anything from me. Maybe religion is a façade and all these people don’t believe in a god, once the food runs out they believe in killing and I just ain’t that type of villain.
Sorry if I’ve brought you down today this hasn’t been easy to write for me. I hope that I die soon where I lay because all of this non contribution I cannot take. All I want to do is become an artist to make money from my words and images the ones you provoked, but it seems that’s false hope and that my rhymes are far from what they’d call “dope”. I hope you got something out of this crap I write because otherwise I’m just feeding the dust mites. Anyways remember to always act right don’t disrespect your elders and always help the benevolent one in a school fight.