I feel like such a nuisance right now tomorrow is the start of our new family tradition or at least we hope it turns into one. The thing is people with chronic illness shouldn’t feel wrong for having asked for help. I find myself saying sorry so often it sickens me. Anyway this will be a post-Christmas weekend get together at our home where all the kids are a little less excited and playing with their gifts, everyone has stories to tell, and it seems to be the perfect time when everyone is off just prior to New Years but after Christmas at least over this weekend. I will also have all my medical equipment and tons of O2 handy so I will be able to endure whatever medical blunders life tosses at me. We invited over a few dozen guests including a bunch of my fiancé’s family and plan to have ourselves a good time reminiscing about our holiday experiences. So why do I feel like a nuisance during such a good period in time?
To be honest I know better than to feel guilty but the chemotherapy has gotten to me again lately as you can all tell from the depressed and anxiety filled posts. I just had to ask my mother for an energy drink to abort a migraine that was about 10 feet away from me. I have been falling so often and onto my head that I didn’t want to risk getting up and a blanket getting wrapped around my leg with neuropathy, this has happened several times and always results in a bad fall. It just seems like CellCept has made me less self-reliant again and that bothers me. For example I was back to using my cane now I am back to the walker and wheelchair routine that can be a very discouraging defeat for someone like myself struggling to live every day. I also fell down last night which woke everyone up luckily nobody had to work early in the morning but at about 4AM I got up to get my phone and call my Mom to get help in the first place and boom I fall flat on my face. Then my poor mom slept out here on the couch rubbing lotion on me, getting me cold packs, adjusting my heating pad, and making sure the dog stayed near me until I felt well enough to try to smoke a bit of marijuana to be able to eat with my chemotherapy medications. It’s commonplace for me so marijuana no longer gives me any hippy dippy effects music doesn’t even sound better it’s like taking an appetite pill for me. Anyways why that isn’t legal is a long article for another day that I’m sure you’ll all enjoy, as I’ll cite plenty of research in that one
I’ve gotten off topic though the point of this article is that you aren’t supposed to feel bad or punish yourself in any way for asking for help. It’s in fact the right thing to do at the time or in that situation, sure sometimes it may inconvenience someone but if they love you they won’t care and will understand. My fiancé Venus is only 24 and this beautiful young woman has a good grasp on this as well as my mother and hers. All 3 of them constantly tell me along with my father just to ask for help no matter what time of day they’d rather be woken up than have me injured by fall or suffer due to not having my medications. The point is your loved ones would rather lose an hour of two of sleep than have you writhing around in agonizing pain all night. It took me a long time to accept this and I still have problems asking for help at times but I’ve made huge strides and plan to continue to do so.
What can I say I have a loving and caring support group around me and today I am grateful for them one of my goals for the New Year is to do more for my caregivers even if it’s small things? Well I will have a whole post on New Years resolutions and we will see which ones I can keep throughout the year! I sincerely hope you all have a pain-free and fun-filled day. Holidays are times to be spent amongst family and friends, if you lack those contact me I’m here for you to bring some holiday cheer! Anyway I’m off to watch some College Bowl games, can’t wait for January 1st Go Buckeyes!