It’s seemingly inescapable this drowning, sinking feeling as one receives such vigorous treatments. Don’t let anyone tell you that perhaps you won’t feel the effects, I took that note of optimism and boy let me tell you it was a major mistake. Personally I’d rather have strengthened myself mentally for such tough blows to my body. I’ve on my 4th cycle of chemo being run simultaneously with the 3rd course. The two medications are 1 gram of Rituximab infused every 6 months and CellCept now 1000mg daily which is to be doubled to 2000mg daily.
The issue right now is my CellCept I am not tolerating it well at all and even at high doses of prednisone my breathing is still really bad at the moment. Even with CellCept and Rituximab I can literally feel the situation weighing on me more and more every day. It has gotten to the point where I cannot move with the CellCept, it makes me so weak at times I need a straw in my drink to be able to lift it close enough to my mouth. I’m so weak I need 2 people to help me off the couch one in front and one behind my walker if I need to walk anywhere usually only the bathroom and back because I can’t handle much with my level of fatigue. Sadly I can no longer undress and get into the shower alone I need to be helped over the side, then sit in a shower chair to ensure I don’t fall and crack my head as I nearly have several times. I just wasn’t prepared for this I’d been on Cytoxan, which is supposedly way worse and urinated blood for 3 weeks due to that before they removed a portion of my liver that was ravaged by the chemotherapy. I read a lot of support groups and CellCept seems like such a common drug, perhaps this is a rare reaction or something my body might get more used to.
I’m sorry for all the ranting articles lately I’m just venting through my writing letting everyone know how this horrible situation feels. Some people will never experience this and some will have family who do go through it but are so traumatized they don’t want to discuss it. There are tons of reasons why I share my entire story like an open book, most of all hoping this will help some patients or medical students somewhere someday!
***Well folks I wrote this around midnight and amazingly got five whole hours of sleep out of the deal. That’s why this wasn’t posted earlier =) I woke up to an ice pick in my right eye, fire in my joints, and trouble breathing so I feel more like the walking dead right now than human. This is me typing literally mere minutes after waking up and writing is already on my mind to soothe this terrible pain! I suppose now I will work on my book until I am forced to change by guests arriving later today for a little holiday party. I sincerely hope you’re all taking some time out to enjoy your weekends as well!***