You Only Have So Many Spoons


Often us spoonies push ourselves and when we do we have to remember to be careful. Why? Simple, there’s absolutely no more fuel in the tank once we run out of spoons. Let me tell you a quick story about tonight that highlights this dilemma. I myself suffer from this issue so it isn’t something advocates are perfect at either I’m just more aware of my flaws and actively work to fix them with my caregiving team.

Today as many of you know I had a holiday party at my home sort of a post-Christmas family get-together. Well to start I didn’t get much sleep 5 hours tops which is actually a lot for me but it sure as hell wasn’t restful sleep. It was the kind where you wake up in excruciating pain wishing someone was up to help you. Well after 3 hours of laying there in tears somebody came to my aid I forget either my mother woke up naturally or I got fed up and called her around 8AM. Either way I got my sugar pills (Oxycodone doesn’t work for me yet there’s nothing else) and some liquid Ativan as well as some compounded lotion and Valium for my neck cramping. I don’t recall all of my falls but I fell on my face 4 times today and I am quite sore due to that.

As I complained about earlier the chemotherapy is really what’s affecting me today. I simply tried to do too much at the party moving around to say hello and goodbye to people, taking very few breaks and not eating in between. Not staying hydrated was the biggest issue so I felt terrible about not following one of my own rules. That probably did contribute to the dizziness that caused me to fall so many times. The point is you can literally run out of energy. You can run out of spoons that’s absolutely possible and today I reached my limit. I am stuck on the couch embarrassed needing help with all my walking and needing help to even lift a drink to my mouth. Even worse I don’t even have the strength to hug anyone goodbye I just sort of nodded or accepted a quick hug from them.

Anyway it was a good party overall I just overdid it and embarrassed myself for not knowing my own limits. It would’ve been much less embarrassing if my fiancé hadn’t ripped my shirt as I fell while she tried to hold me up, and I had to have my cousin pick me up two times. I also had to use my oxygen concentrator and my Axon Optics glasses, even my headache hat and sadly that scared all the kids away from me. That bothered me quite a bit but what can you do they’re children. I hope you all enjoyed your day and still have some spoons left to get ready for bed. I sure am ready to take some melatonin again tonight and see if I can get some sleep and hopefully restful sleep. I’d rather 3 hours of restful sleep than 8 hours of terrible restless sweaty sleep! Thank you all for reading and have a good night.

2 thoughts on “You Only Have So Many Spoons

  1. I am awake and unable to sleep after my holiday weekend with family. I love them, but all that takes a lot out of me and that is why I am up and restless, reading your posts tonight. So many times, at family gatherings in the past, my grandmother would be tending to me on the couch because I felt unwell and still wanted to be a part of things. It is hard to remain a part of the things that matter. Take care.

    • Aww I hope you eventually get some sleep I am up working on my book and writing an article to be released around 6AM people like to read them on the way to work apparently =) Pain free wishes to you!

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