This may seem cheesy to some like a post just to put something out, but if you read into the words this is sincere and from my heart. Depression tears at me like a wild wolverine or an angry black bear, yet I’m like wolverine I may be injured but I heal up even the most brutal of blows as more people engage me in the comments, as more people talk to me on twitter, and as more people join the Facebook group and interact. I may have a potentially lethal illness in my Churg Strauss Syndrome but you guys and gals keep me afloat mentally. I am not saying I’m normal or a very optimistic person, I have my breakdown moments too. That’s why I write about them, I write about my flaws and tell these stories about my failures not to depress anyone but to show them it’s normal for us spoonies and not to be ashamed. This is ok and people need to know that to stay strong and never give up. That’s why I’m here, for you not for my own sake if I wanted that I’d keep a diary.
I am no saint though you’ve all seen my posts about utilizing marijuana to eat my 1 meal every day. I consider it medicine when used in this way but it’s still illegal. That’s all I eat and maybe that’s why sometimes my words don’t come out the way I’d like them too I’m a little deprived of nutrients and very deprived of sleep. Shadows from cluster headaches wake me up, vasculitis rashes if I roll onto them feel like knives entering my body, vasculitis flares where my joints swell and I look like a balloon with little water balloons for joints, my daily chronic migraines if they’re over an 8 on the pain scale wake me up, and lastly my breathing wakes me up. I’m heaving for breathe even with my 2LPM nasal cannula on and taking my emergency inhaler so I typically take my nebulizer 1-4 times each night. I also vomit 3-4 times a day at minimum.
All I am trying to convey is what I go through as I write, before I write, and after I write. I essentially plan writing my books, articles, and EBooks after how I am feeling that day as many spoonies do. Except no matter how I feel I deal with people who are depressed and suicidal every day through my followers, fan base, readers, and friends on Facebook, even support groups those people I pay a lot of extra attention to no matter the situation. They need it because if they don’t get tat little bit of attention they need in this world they might make a mistake that is irreversible or if they’re asking about medications they may be given false information or take it wrong which can be dangerous. Essentially my first priority is policing my social media making sure everyone’s safe on a regular basis. I have lots of people’s numbers whom I text and they really enjoy our conversations and find themselves stress free, forgetting the pain, and looking forward to interacting with people again.
This is what bring me joy in life so I have to say thank you. Once a member emailed me and told me that she’d shown my poetry to her doctor to describe her emotions and my lord he diagnosed her based on it since she genuinely felt that way. She was in tears after getting her diagnosis after 4 visits and her doctor not knowing her pain, now she knows what this woman suffered and she also brought some research for the doctor to learn about migraines in her spare time. I do this because I love it if each one of my article eventually helps one person then I’m blessed. So thank you again readers you complete me, you’re the engine that keep me going even though I’m stubborn and my body wants me to quit. Let me tell you something I will never quit on you, just don’t quit on me friends! I just can’t believe somehow I went from a personal blog on migraine with 0 followers just about a year ago to 4,311 followers by email, 2600 via Facebook, 160 Instagram followers, 150 Tumblr followers , and more on Google+ etc. It’s just awesome how many people want to read what I’ve written. It makes me thankful to be alive when people want to take my advice out of all the stuff on the internet.