Today I got about 3 hours of sleep total due to pain and last night one of my worst fears came to light. I am now trying to talk but cannot I need to get in my wheelchair and essentially be picked up and dragged to the toilet whenever I need to go. This really hurts emotionally and obviously physically, my thighs and knees are in so much pain I cannot at all support my own body weight!
Once again I am in a mental battle against depression as all these new symptoms show up. The new rashes were bleeding on my arm and all over my sheets, which more are showing up as bumps on my right arm now and are painful. That and the rashes what’re already there and these stupid things are growing in size, expanding sideways. I feel hopeless but I will be on support groups all day long venting about it so that I can feel somewhat normal again. I want to be independent do you people know what it is to be dressed by someone else, undressed by someone, helped in the shower, helped get food, help get medication, help up the stairs, help moving my legs at all, help getting my oxygen, and help letting my own dog out to go to the bathroom. I literally am now fully dependent on others and my family is deathly fearful to have me left alone at all even for a few hours because I cannot get what I need on my own. Sometimes my mom even has to call the neighbors to come helps me and at age 24 needing all this assistance is embarrassing.
I am sure you can all understand my anxiety and depression, just please bare with me as I overcome my situation. I will not let these feelings overcome me and I will certainly keep to my New Years resolution at least this long! I truly appreciate all the support I’ve been shown for my poetry on all the support groups where I am thankful I was allowed to post it. Very kind of the admins to allow that, Happy 2015 everyone and I hope you have a pain free day, thank you so very much for reading again today. More articles to come later in the day folks once I deal with these new emotions that come with no longer being able to walk alone.