Pain Strikes Like Lightning

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Boom my mind goes blank as a fresh sheet of copy paper

A Migraine attack has come to hit me again what a caper

I hate taking triptans and DHE isn’t an option

All because of my rare Churg Strauss Syndrome Vasculitis

They make me swallow that toxin they call chemotherapy

I guess that isn’t as rare as the occipital stimulator trial

Man I need to take a rest for a while

Yet insomnia has a strong grasp on me

It won’t let me sleep and my body won’t let me eat naturally

I need some THC to eat it’s ridiculous

Even though a small amount is legal privately

I need the oil all CBD so I can reach remission indefinitely

Perhaps it’ll work for vasculitis

Like it has cancer and epilepsy that’s proven

Now I need legal medications that work

I’ll gladly pay the price if the FDA thinks twice

And gives me access to what I clearly need to live!

 

Do you think I smoke to get high, do you really think I’m that guy?

If I was why would I be writing these lines that have meaning instead of gibberish about women and drugs

Instead I spend my time curled up in a corner and cry due to the pain and wanting to die then I hug my dog for a while and regain my sense of faith in this world

Now I work to stop suicide and bring up people’s spirits

How am I not a benevolent human being?

I don’t ask for money to do these things

I just do them and hope karma will return a job to me

Once I am well we shall see if my network of friends has any leads for me

We all know it’s hard to acquire a job nowadays but I need something to fund all the start-ups in my brain

Thousands of ideas come during the worst of my migraines

I can write and write during them that’s what they say

And I can tell you a business plan but it will be sloppy writing stuff that I may not understand

It may look as if I wrote it with my left hand

Or as if id’ just hit every key on the board

But to this mess there’s a puzzle some sense

And once I dismantle it the ideas and wordplay is immense

That’s why I write poems and entered business

Because I realized this flows through my head even when in the worst pain possible to man I can manage to work with these hands

I will never stop you see because working hard, hah, well that’s just me and when will I finally be satisfied

When I’ve left a legacy that’s capable of surviving no matter what’s in as long as it’s benevolent I want people to remember my good deeds and take my actions as evidence

That there are still good people in this world

Even one’s who’ve lost and lost until they hit bottom

And consider the worst but that’s permanent so we avoid that option for it’s called suicide and it hurts more than one person.

 

I demand to succeed, I demand to survive

I refuse to be a statistic of vasculitis this life

I want my candle to burn for a long time until it’s naturally fizzled out by time; I want these rashes to stop obviously

I want to smile again, I want to see, and hang out with my friends; My pain is real, my tears wet as can be, at times they cover my, t-shirts so wet you’d think I’d showered.

No actually I just had a normal day where I cry and cry and cry away and people look at me wanting to help

Asking to pray I fear it does nothing as I only hurt more the next day. My body aches an aches more and more with each day I am disgusted by how much it pains me to say this once again is the worst day of my life in terms of bodily pain it can be compared to nothing nice. This is pain like nothing you’ve felt before it hurts so bad you wish you’d broke a bone or had a bad fall, or that you had the flu or pneumonia

But you have none of those unfortunately yours is special I suppose. It’s rare they say 1 in 1.3 million yet nobody wants to see me where’s my doctor house from TV then?

I hope that I can locate help soon whether it’s here, at the Mayo Clinic, or in Germany, even Timbuktu I’d fly there for medication if it would work this illness is killing me isn’t that absurd? It’s autoimmune me against myself I’m going to be dead and it’s my own entire fault! 

One thought on “Pain Strikes Like Lightning

  1. Not your fault. I can tell, from post to post, just how down or depressed or fed-up you were when you wrote it. These things make you so real and words keep on pouring out of you, even when your whole body must protest against it and you. I will never stop reading your words, as long as you are able to write them.

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