What do you do when you hear the cries of pain from someone you love.?When the mere touch of your gentle hand can actually cause more pain rather than comfort? Psychologically it is something easy to deal with and unfortunately it has been happening to me
With Mike declining health comes troubles and tribulations of being a caregiver. This weekend being a perfect example. Friday I attended my friends sweet 16 which absolutely beautiful. I saw some familiar faces, enjoyed music, and had some drinks with some fun people. However whenever I was asked about Michael I noticed I would have to pause a second before answering in fear of tearing up. How do you say oh he fine while right now I can’t do a damn thing but hear him scream?
For many caregivers it can be difficult to try and socialize with the real world and separate yourself from a world that has unfortunately become one that you wish would not be. People tend to look at you with a look of “oh you poor thing” since they recognize you as someone dealing with a loved one in constant pain and illness. Sometimes that look of pity can hurt more then you would imagine.
I have come to learn that no matter how hard it maybe to discuss what is going on to the general public it is actually a necessary thing. You shouldn’t feel ashamed to discuss what is going. Sad yes because unfortunately it is the reality but the reality needs to get out there rather than a fake smile and a simple “im ok” or “he’s ok”. Otherwise how does the truth get out there. The reality of what invisible illness does to people.
Too many people hide in their corners afraid to be seen but I’m hear to say it’s ok. It’s healthy to talk about it especially to loved ones who are close to you but outside of your situation. It can be refreshing to get a different point of view though sometime it can be redundant. Hey not everyone is good at advice but it is refreshing to just have it out there.
So when I was at this party and I was asked this question I would pause and say as calm as possible “he not doing the greatest right now but he’s hanging strong as well as me. I’m hear to have some fun for both his sake and mine.”
Today Michael leaves to the Mayo Clinic and unfortunately I have to stay and work. I just pray something can be done to help him. Life isn’t always easy but it is easier when you don’t have to hold back your emotions.