Syncope and The Life of a Man who Cannot Be Helped

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Last night was very frightening

It was as if an enormous ball of lighting had struck me

Little did I know my shadow would turn into cluster headaches you see

I had trouble sleeping and we all know why cluster headaches cause disability

I was crying and screaming into my pillow in agony

I couldn’t then stop I was passing out constantly

Why from the pain, the confusion in my brain was driving me insane

 

After syncope episode I can’t even remember my own name

These doctors haven’t come up with any answers does that mean I did all of these horrible tests in vain?

At this point why don’t they just open my brain & see why I act this way

Obviously I’m not a fit in the box case so they don’t want me to stay

They are sending me hom just like John’s Hopkins without a good word To say beside the fact that Michael you have Churg Strauss or EGPA

Well thank you for noticing I’ve been diagnosed three times by the way

 

I though coming here they could at least relieve some pain

I would’ve agreed to any surgery on Earth to make it all go away

Now my life is pain and nothing shows on the MRI of my spine

Yet every night I wake up screaming and while because it feels like a Vine with thorns its growing up my spine cracking it along the way until I cannot even get comfortable anymore I just need ice packs and to chill

I don’t know how people deal with so many painful disease I have Diffuse Chronic Pain Syndrome too but to take pain meds is obtuse

At least that’s what the 2 minute visit with their pain doctor gave me

She basically said I have nothing to lose, by coming off my medication And trying their 3 week program of physical therapy, group therapy, and relaxation; Yet my other doctors say I might die without the painkillers So I am stuck between a rock and a hard place, they don’t even subsidize our hotel costs that’s why nobody can afford to stay!

 

As slow as they’re going I may need to move out this may to get a treatment for ach diagnosis or be told to gin and bear it

I love hearing that I wish just one cluster headache on those that say that not to mention the spinal pain and the Terminal illness flowing through my veins I can get it into remission but it’ll never go away

That’s the nature of medicine today treatments make money

Cures save lives but nobody is out to save lives over making cash

I bet with my proposals for stronger pain medications than morphine or Dilauded the FDA wipes their ass and throws it away

What does this 24-year-old know about medicine he’s no M.D.

 

And that is how I feel they treat me

Worse than a dog that need to be put down

I am begging them to figure my case out

There isn’t much time til I hang myself from the curtain with a message strapped to my chest thanking my most critical doctors

For making my life harder with suicide headaches

If you can’t figure me out just admit it let me be

I will still fight for other with advocacy

However on myself I’ve essentially given up

Michel is dead inside because for this world he wasn’t good enough.

 

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