Sometimes life just loves to test. It always seems to get your when you try to make new strides.it wants to see if you can keep going.
I know I’m not suffering physically but mentally I get beat up when michael suffering seems to hit its peak of a viscious roller cosaster that we’ve been on for so long.
as you may notice the lack of michael’s writing recently. thats because were at the peak again and i wish to just fall back and not take the huge plunge coming. Lately Michael breathing has been acting up and with that his syncope or aka his fainting spells. Which once again no one seems to have an answer for despite all the resources we have gone too. Everything back normal. You can hear the frustration now as you read this because that’s how I’m feeling.
Which do I even have a right to feel? Which adds to my dilemma of my mental state with the batte of anxiety. I’ve always dealt with long before meeting michael. And as he battles Ive be been watching on the sidelines feeling helpless. Nothing I do relieves the pain but still I try to give comfort.
And still trying to do what I have to do for myself. The volunteer work has been giving me such different insights in crisis therapy and psychology in generals. The working out so I can relieve stress and lose some weight. Being home to take care of my new puppy. All the while dealing with a job that right now is treating me the worst.
It’s hard. Sometimes I just want curl up in a ball and cry. But then I think how is that right? How can I feel like this when there are many others not just michael who suffers as well. It just has to be use as a push to fix this damn healthcare system. Have the patients heard. As well as their families. Just got to keep trying to past this test